I am a sentimental person. I connect with people quickly. My heart is messy. Giving without reciprocation. My mind is messy. Always over-analyzing.

All my life, as far as I can remember, I have been extremely self-conscious. It was the only reason that I avoided social interaction of any kind, almost every time.

Sometimes, my mind goes blind. I feel like I’m drowning in darkness. There is absolutely no reason for me to feel this way. But all I feel is sadness. I want to cry out loud.

At other times, a thousand thoughts run through my head at the same time. They do not stop for a long long time.

But both these times, I feel like I have failed in life. I feel like nothing is going to change for the better, and I will be stuck here forever. Sometimes I have reasons, sometimes I don’t. Sometimes I yell, sometimes I cry and sometimes I just stay quiet and overthink.

I feel gross when I over-think. I will be lying on my bed, over-analyzing and questioning things that happened forever ago. I am always thinking, looking, searching, analyzing. Searching for ways I could’ve said things differently in a conversation, or things I could’ve done better in life.

I go through emotional breakdowns time and again. Sometimes it is overwhelming. Sometimes it is good. At other times I have my coffee, and I’m ready to deal with everything. Me being softhearted has never been my issue, despite people pointing it out to me at times. It is who I am. I am my authentic self when I am emotional.

I believe that it is okay to feel that I’m falling apart. Things change with time. Next year around the same time, I might not even remember that I had gone through this. This means that it might not matter to me after some years. I am surrounded everyday by people that love me and legitimately give a shit about me. So, I believe that I am safe.

We think that we need to be strong all the time, but do we really?